OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize