We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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