Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
