what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
