if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
