youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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