Your mouth is God's brothel.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
did i just pee glitter
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
