You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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