see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize