Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
