Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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