Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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