If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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