Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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