he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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