____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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