so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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