I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I skipped work to stalk him.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
