its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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