so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
