I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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