is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
