After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
