All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Farmville is her only friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
