i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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