he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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