it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
