no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
