I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
