Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
