apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
