The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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