well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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