I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
