So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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