Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
