Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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