batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
