yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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