The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
