I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
