I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
