I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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