I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
