The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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