..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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