at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
