you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
