let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
