Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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