No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
