oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
