Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
