i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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