I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
