Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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