Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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