I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
