Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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